Mother's Day

This was published last year and is still so relevant so publishing it again.

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I was three years old when my dad carried me on the plane that flew us from Seoul to sunny and magical Honolulu. I was four when my birth mother walked out of our cheap and dingy railroad apartment in Philly and never came back.

Through the years, as I watched my classmates make “Happy Mother’s Day” cards, families in restaurants having brunch toasting their matriarchs with mimosas, and literally anything with daughters and mothers, I got angry. I hated Mother’s Day. It was the worst Hallmark holiday of all time. 

I felt broken, unwanted, and unlovable. It was only after years of healing work that I learned to be the mother I always needed - to myself. Full disclosure – self-love is a continuous journey and practice. I still look at the only photo I have of me and my parents to remind myself of how helpless I was, how adorable I was (seriously – look at that hair!), and how lovable I was. I was a child. 

I spent years trying to prove I was enough to the rest of my family, to my friends, to my employers, and because of this, I put my mind, soul, and body through hell. 2016-2018 was the straw that broke the workaholic stress, anxiety, and trauma camel's back and what caused the medical issues as to why I cannot biologically have children...

Despite me resisting, the Universe forced me to slow down in 2018. In 2019, I was told that I am unable to have babies. My heart still hurts from this news...but I'm not broken. I still cry and there is a lot of grieving, but I don't hate Mother's Day. It isn't the worst Hallmark holiday of all time.

It would be a lie to say that I'm in full acceptance. It's a process and I am fully aware that my grieving will take time. But I'm going to be the mother to myself that I need. And until then, I relish in spoiling and loving on my friends' children, being a big part of my bonus son's life, and being in constant awe of the loving and responsible mothers my friends have become. 

I’m sharing this because our social feeds are filling up with Mother’s Day promotions. And as I was getting ready to add to it with Mother’s Day partnership messaging, I felt the need to put this out there for anyone, even if it’s just one person, who can relate to my experience and say –

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. YOU ARE NOT UNWANTED. YOU ARE NOT UNLOVABLE.

To be continued…maybe? What do you want to know? Comment below...Be kind - I'm new at this. Looking forward to what you have to say.

Until then, be well and TAKE CARE...I’ll be working on our Mother’s Day ads...

- Ji

Comments

  • Posted by JTE on

    I think every woman was born with a maternal instinct and it remains with you forever. We do not have to comply with today’s standards as to what a “mother” should be or how having a one (or not) qualifies your existence. Though I have not met your mother, however, I do want to thank her for having you because if she didn’t, I would have missed out on a beautiful friendship with a woman that is extremely inspiring. You are enough; mom to Jack, carrying out all these “maternal” behaviors such as checking in on how people feel to feeding them (for all the times you fed me, thank you). Love this blog and thanks for sharing! <3

  • Posted by Danielle Driscoll on

    Oh, Ji, you are just as beautiful and lovely as this little baby with crazy hair. Love you, my friend ❤️ 💕 You are so loved by all of us. xx I’m sorry what you’re mom did to you but know that you did nothing wrong and you are truly loved. I’m so grateful for your friendship and love you shower on me and my children. Hoping to go to the dessert with you when all of this is over and hoping you share more about yourself and your life story here on Take Care Space. Telling your story will help people more than you will know. xx

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